>>...Everything is a part of me....<<

18th june, 2008

2008-06-17T11:44:00.000-07:00

Today is the 18th june, 2008 night time 2.45am now.. I couldn't sleep again after wad has happened jus now.. Still thinking in deep thoughts of wad i n him have said, wondering wad i did wrong again haiz.. Am i so useless guys?? Sometimes i really doubt myself cant b a good lady no matter how much i have changed.. Maybe inside his heart, im not as perfect as wad he think i can be ba.. I really feel so helpless that i can make my decision wise n firm n make my stand for me, which i think he will look down on.. Maybe i always make him worried den he's angry den i always think he's always mad at me n all dat make him feel bad too.. Haiz i really hope he dun always hide these things inside him n tell me abt it.. If not i won noe wad he wants wad he thinking... Haiz.. I really wanna change but i dunno how to.. When i dunno wad i should change n where to start.. I like got no goals to achieve like this how cuz i dunno where to head to.. I need to noe wad is wrong den i can head to the turning point right dear? I jus wanna noe where i did wrong again... Im really upset to see we both always lidat quarel, u think we both will like things lidat to happen always ma? Y cant u jus tell me where i did wrong even i did wrong again pls tell me.. U noe i dun think as well as others, i need time to learn n all dat ar.. Haiz.. *crying in the heart* Sorry for wad i have done wrong, been with him den i noe i have so many flaws n not a good gal le, i have so much to change, dunno when den i can stand up again... No matter wad i jus wish my dear all the best always n stay cheerful =)

9th may 2008

2008-05-08T11:35:00.000-07:00

Hahaz.. Long time no do posting le.. =p Hmm today is the 9th of may which is huiying's bdae hahaz haven wish her happy bdae yet =x Tml must wish her le ^^ Now is abt to 3am le, haiz couldn't sleep.. Been thinking too much i guess.. I'm sorry dear for staying up so late if u are looking at my blog too.. I really dun mean to make u worry for me de.. I been upsetting over ur words thats y i wan u to change away ur temper as well. Maybe im still not good enough for u or haven do enough for u ba =( Sometimes i just wonder how can i make u change away ur attitude towards others, when no matter how much i say n do for u oso does not help u, felt useless at times when i see u can attend to ur customers so well when i cant do so much things like u can.. I just wanna pei u by ur side always no matter what u r facing, we can face it together de ar.. I noe i have many problems to u in regarding on my family's new house, i noe i shouldn't bother u on those things le but i just get too tied down by my family ba.. They keep telling me this n that and i feel kinda annoyed, everything oso find me u noe?? I feel that i have nth to do with all these things, i dunno anything abt the hse things de ar n really dunno wad to do den tell u de.. I dun mean to bring u more problems and make u so tiring de.. I dunno who to face these problems to, im really sorry.. That time i wan u to call my parents is to clear things with dem, tell dem straight and not go on like this and let dem see u that way as things are.. Avoiding it doesn't help ma so just wan u to clear away the problems by urself so that they won't think that u r not responsible or what ar.. I kept telling u i will be by ur side means i will ar no matter wad happens im still always there for u.. I have take in so much, give in so much do so much for u, u tink i dunno u care for me too ma, u tink i never care for u ma?? M i really so not a understanding person to u? I kept quiet doesn't mean i dunno or dun understand u, just that sometimes ur words hurt me too much till i dunno wad to say le, do u noe that? =( I noe u care for me, worry for me cuz of my health, i will try to take care of myself when i recover k? What can i still do to not make u worry my dear? I noe i had always been upsetting u too, i still rmb the day u cried, i was so upset, who mean the most to me is u le u noe ma? =( I just wan to see u happy always and not that moodless face or angry face of urs, how will i b happy to carry on my life positively like this dear? Not all things always look on the bad side den have to tink on the bad side always de.. If u keep thinking that way, doesn't it make things worse and always dull with a face? No matter what happens stay cheerful and i will always be k? =)

9th Dec 2007

2007-12-09T05:55:00.000-08:00

Hahaz my last update was on the sept 26th till now then i write my story again.. I shall not carry on with the tioman trip memories le.. But anyway was a fun trip having snorkelling thru out.. Now i shall move on, here again xmas in comin n i tot i would hav a wonderful n a special one unlike the past but seem to me i hav chosen the another path n lead to a different route now.. I thought my life would change when i met tis guy.. but cuz of the recent broke up with my bf made me haven ready for a new one n make me hurt tis guy n myself too.. Im actauli glad i noe tis guy although we r frenz now =>

26th September, 2007

2007-09-26T07:28:00.000-07:00

Hmm.. Today is a fine day but happened to hav some problems here n there... My OFF day today ^^ with daddy's call from the hospital having some vision problems n me rushin down to TTSH to c my dad tellin me that he goin to hav an eye surgery tml =x He went thru a blood test n a counselling session today, doc tell him tat his eye sight may not get full clear vision for the time being due to passing down from the generation n hav to go thru an operation.. The operation will be 100% success but need some time to get back the clear vision.. Oh Gosh, daddy is a good person tat can rely on de pls dun ruin his life at tis age =( Whoever hav him in his life, im sure she will be happy(xing fu). We actuali went out after his check-up to marina square(winning) to take my work stuffs back to move on to queenstown tml =x n went to molecule, sanrio shop etc to shop shop wor ^^ Molecule reali sell cool unique clocks which are quite costly n saw my fav hello kitty but no one buy for me =x After tat went to hav dinner with dad at koufu(millenia walk) n met my dear there den went to bugis to shop.. On the way back in the train, dear dear actuali wan to bite my finger =x n i pulled off n hurt his lips wor(bleeding). Sry dear i dun wan it tat way de, dun mean to make u angry =(

20th September, 2007

2007-09-20T08:08:00.001-07:00

Hmm... Ever since i came back from the tioman trip.. I have never been free Zzzz Been going out with alison n my bro bento to look for job.. Thanks to him for introducing tis winter wear shop job to us ^^ Been workin like 7 to 10 hrs a day everyday lo... Start work on 11th Septmeber however actuali took off on sun cuz kinda tired n not reali used to it yet.. Hmm.. Off on tue again but been out the whole day to send mooncakes to sch, one person take 9 Boxes >.< after that i went to PC bunk n sad to hear that my dear hav been seeing Kelly these days n were very close but i din show any reaction infront of him.. After that i actuali went to meet my maple dear to go for a movie lo but nth much la 1st time met him tinkin that he's not reali that "Gentlemen" yet Hahaz... Like buying food i buy my own, every food i oso take the initiative go buy for him n food oso i take... Zzz LOL hope he dun angry =p cuz i just felt tis way lo f3

8th September, 2007

2007-09-08T09:05:00.001-07:00

Here is the picture of the tioman sea near our paya resort.... Beautiful isn't it?? ^^

7th September, 2007

2007-09-07T07:49:00.000-07:00

Alright i should start with the 1st day of the trip......

"Tick tick", alarm rings... 5am in the mornin i try to wake up but ended up waking up at 5.15am LOL Yawnz i din sleep much cuz couldn sleep till 4plus den i went to bed.. 1st thing i woke up i went to check my lauggage bag again cuz i actuali din bring my torchlight n some toiletries Zzz.. NExt thing i msg GX sama whether we can go sch together.. Hahaz.. N the next thing i knew im prepared to leave house to leave SG le >.< Onli out of my house a call came.. I tot he still angry with me dun wanna go sch with me LOL but he came askin me where im den we go take cab together lo.. Reaching sch of cuz we join our so call "ALEX GROUP" Hahaz till abt 7plus den off we go.. 1st we reach mersing 1st where the ferry come after abt an hour.. So we actuali go shop abit n eat PRINGLES?? Hahaz.. Someone actuali eat PRINGLES when having gastric zzz... Hmm n added with some exhuast wor.. *yuck* 1st thing we reached there, we had our lunch n guys seeing gals la huh.. LOL the weather is actuali very hot but has a reali beautiful scenary there ^^ Our group at 1st consist of 6ppl onli but Bento, the big "BOSS" saw 2 pretty ladies from the Early ChildHood (ECH) n ask dem join us la which turn out to be my good frenz now =) *Alison n yi zhi* After lunch we checked-in to our rooms as we choose ourselves.. GREAT that we choosen the room filled with ANTS =x Once i switch on the air-con, after some time it blew off so much ants on me n mei mei's bed =( Asked the person clean up wait till after we came back from the sea till night time den they changed the bedsheet zzz.. After checked-in, we actuali went for a BIG BIG walk that we dunno where we gonna walk to.. After a long walk, we passed by many resorts n stop at GENTING RESORT whereby Mr Lee den let us noe we on a trekking trip to GENTING RESORT where the honeymooners go n not to the waterfall -_-''' After the trek, we hav to walk back to our resort ourselves to get our life jackets n snorkels n off to the beach for our basic training for the next day ^^ E sea is cold n super ''SALTY'' Me n alex n GX noes how to swim n we actuali became the non-swimmers n join the rest of our group mates n hav fun.. Playin water n opps mei mei's ring fell into the water when teacher asked us to return to the shore =x So many rocks in the sand n we all dive into the water to find LOL n glad that i helped my mei found her precious little ring n everything's fine except for the "ants" bed =x We went back for our dinner n hav ice break games.. I was chosen in my group to go with a fren to play some sort of clapping 1,2,3 n 4 n shouting the other person's name in the new group formed n the loser will hav to do forfeit =.= I was still lucky enough to hav not do any mistakes in the game otherwise gonna get forfeit alone n thats wad many ppl ended up with.. So embarrasing =x In the night, we couldn reali get to sleep either.. Every night we actuali went out of our resort to buy lots of junk food, twisties, oreo n drinks back to enjoy.. We actuali watched tv till we fell asleep the 1st night.. LOL

7th September, 2007

2007-09-07T07:42:00.001-07:00

Hihi guyz... EVeryone must be waiting for me to update my blog yea?? Heyx im back.. Zzz.. Should say my internet is back =.= Im oso back from my malaysia trip yayz... I hav been to tioman Island for a 4 day 3 night camp there n its reali fun... At 1st was feelin kinda down the day b4 i left cuz i couldn even get to c my dear b4 i leave >.< How "cruel" can he be, wad if i jus left n dun ever come back { TOUCH WOOD } Its been abt 1 mth we hav not met each other, wonder does he noe tis will onli make my feelin lost.. Onli make me tink of the unhappy times n make me more sad =(

20 August, 2007

2007-08-19T09:24:00.000-07:00

Hmm.. 2 more days to my EMD exam.. Till now im still tinkin of my dear n haven reali started studyin yet >.< If he knows tat, i will be RIP le.. Hmm.. Dear dear these days been busy, dun tink he hav the time to tink of me =.= Today is a sunday n yet he hav to go watch a play in sch till late at night.. Abt 12am den he reached home.. Xin ku dear dear le.. Wad a busy dear i had.. M i that "Lucky"? =.=

17 August, 2007

2007-08-17T06:33:00.000-07:00

Haix.. I feel sorry towards my dear n dunno wad to say.. Tink my fren was right.. I should b glad tat my dear wasn't foolin ard but reali bz outside with serious stuffs.. I shouldn get jealous easily tinkin he's always meeting his frenz whenever he's free.. He got angry with these sayin that he dun even hav time for his frenz.. I hear le oso upset.. I din noe my dear was reali so bz till he din hav much time for anything. Sometimes i hated myself for keep tinkin when his frenz need him he will b there bt not for me =( I'm sry dear pls forgive me.. My dear is a Mr Nice Guy who cares for everyone.. I should b glad to hav him as my dear.. I Love You always dear..

17 August, 2007

2007-08-17T05:24:00.000-07:00

I found out smth tat......

I can't said what's wrong with me.
I became very straight forward
If you're being in love with someone,you do anything for him and it's worth while.
I wanna announce loudly that I miss you.
Even the neighbours can guess my feelings for you.
The river breeze is blowing our hair.
Holding your hand makes me so touched.
I wanna bring you to my grandmother's house to watch the sunset together,until we fall asleep.
I wanna be like this, holding your hands and never let go.
Can love forever have no bitter times?
You wanna bring me to ride bicycle.
You wanna play the swing with me.
If we can be like that without any worries,we can sing songs together as we walked.
I wanna be like this, holding your hands and never let go.
Can love be forever no bitter times?
I wanna lie on your shoulderI wanna lie on your chest and sleep
I wish for a life like this:I love you, You love me.

16 August, 2007

2007-08-16T11:34:00.000-07:00

Hi.. It's me again.. Hmm.. Nothin much to write baz.. Mayb cuz i hav been tinkin too much, got hurt quite abit from parents n his words somehow so...... Today he did msg me during the day time, when he's with his frenz he did not msg much i understand.. His fren fainted n he got worried n sent her to the hospital.. After she returned home, he called me n told me he stayin outside with the rest of his frenz as he miss the bus n the train... Asked me to sleep early, dun wan to worry for another le >.<>.<

17 August, 2007

2007-08-16T08:54:00.000-07:00

Hmm.. Mayb i should b sry for everything.. Mayb im giving my dear too much stress.. His family alreadi givin him stress, work too n now me oso =( Sry dear mayb i giv u too little freedom le? If he feels tat way, i shall not ask him so much or wad le baz.. Muackz love my zhu zhu ^ ^

16 August, 2007

2007-08-15T11:41:00.000-07:00

Now is alreadi gonna 3ma in the mornin le.. Im writing blog at tis time of the day for these past few days le... I couldn't sleep, i missing my dear so much although he hurt me many times.. He's still my dear n I love him >.< My fren asked me tis qns.. who do u tink love the partner more? I said is me as u can see how much i took his words to my heart.. Wonder when will he show me he loves me more.. Actuali im lookin forward to tis fri or sat for the fireworks de.. Tinkin tat he's studyin n workin in weekends tink dun hav the chance to go watch tgt le baz... Without him seeing the fireworks mean nth to me..

16 August, 2007

2007-08-15T11:06:00.000-07:00

Sorry for keep talkin abt my dear in the blog.. Cuz he's someone that came into my life n brings me diff kinds of feel.. Back to yesterday's nitez.. After sayin me guo fen on the fone thing n like i dun let him sleep oso.. He hang up the fone n right after hang up, someone called n im sure he called.. Wonder he was eager to call someone or accidentally press on it >.< i jus hope he dun lie to me anything, i rather he say something "NOT NICE" den lyin to me.. I will always believe him jus hope he will tink n care for me more after readin these =)

16 August, 2007

2007-08-15T10:11:00.000-07:00

Hmm.. I admit that he reali has a cool bunch of frenz, rather friendly though =) not onli gals but guys too... Good society of frenz =) Can say rather more gals there >.< He's goin to look for his frenz tml again ^ ^ of the same kind of hobby as he said so, mayb more relax n more chatty frenz there.. Seeing him so happy with dem make feel so left out.. He got back into smokin which makes me quite unhappy jus that i din say much.. I dun like ppl to smoke =( He said he's not addicitive bt y do i still c him smoke when he's with frenz jus cuz frenz jio him? Haix.. Where is the Mr Lovely dear i used to noe, how to get him back =(

16 August, 2007

2007-08-15T10:03:00.000-07:00

Arrr... Anyone can tell me wad to do?? Sobx.. Never felt so miserable b4.. Truthfully i hv nv love someone so deeply b4.. He's been like tis for the past few days le.. No msg no calls nth.. He's still goin to his fren shop to look for his frenz tml after sch when i haven even ask him come look for me >.< Just askin him wad time he finish sch tml n he gav me tat ans le.. Im sure he treat frenz more impt den i do bt i dun mind as long as he happy so i rather i sad.. He makin me feelin so lonely =( Im a ger that does not like loneliness... He made me worry le still say those words everytime.. Haix.. What should i do, what can i do? =(

16 August, 2007

2007-08-15T09:40:00.001-07:00

Hahaz.. Seldom c me always blog online ya dudes, recently been bloggin cuz hasn't reali been so happy >.< He even say me guo fen when i asked him y don't he use his fren fone to call n let me noe at least he din bring his fone.. No reply from him for the whole dae i was so worried n he said that.. Reali break my heart =( Everything i do oso tink for him, he always say i dun tink.. He jus dunno wad im tinkin lo.. Sobx.. I care for others den caring for myself, I dun care abt myself as long as everyone i noe is happy i will b happy for dem =) Does he knows?

15 August, 2007

2007-08-14T11:47:00.001-07:00

Oh yea.. Last time still owes the blog my latest pic.. Now im gonna update my new look >.<

15 August, 2007

2007-08-14T11:42:00.000-07:00

Hmm.. Now im starting to write abit.. Don't tink my dear lookin at my blog le.. Hahaz.. He's been so bz either with studies or work.. Haiz... Feel so lonely these days.. Don't feel like writing de but aso dunno wad to say to him.. Everything just keep to myself baz.. He's makin me feel so hopeless at times tat i couldn help him or wad.. Seeing him with his frenz cheering up i feel happy for him, but don't know he knows how i feel ma >.< I just dun wanna bother him so much or makin him worry.. Just hope he still believes me n b the nice nice dear as i knew b4..

13 AUGUST, 2007

2007-08-12T09:17:00.001-07:00

Well well well... 0.o? Reali long time no update blog le... LOLx.. Thought i can close down my blog le, still got ppl view my blog lehx... =.= Hahax... Also dunno wad to say.. Me onli play play maple n nth much but goin out or Zzzz... But recently change new hairstyle for quite awhile le... Now den i update the new me.. LOLx.. ^^ I will try update the picture the next time.. ps

MONDAY, MAY 12, 2007

2007-05-13T20:39:00.000-07:00

Today is a tiring but should be a happy day for me n my family to be with.. But wad it turn out to be was such a "GOOD" day =.= me n my family intend to have steam boat at marina south to celebrate Mothers' Day at one day in advance as my mum will love to have steamboat however, we ended up eating at a nearby place to have something simple like "Satays, peng fish(LoL), hokian hae mee? and my favourite fish ball soup??" LoLx.. I was intending to treat mummy to a meal of steamboat by not letting dem noe de but it turn out to be like tis n quarel n stuffs between my parents n my bro and cuz sis too tired after work.. sianx lo.. Im oso working but i oso din complain tired y they hav to spoil mummy's memorable day? Mothers' Day oso cannot let mum happy =(

Tuesday, 8th may, 2007

2007-05-07T19:30:00.000-07:00

hmm.. an intro to myself?? kaiern here yea? LoLx.. yay tis is my 1st post n my 1st blog of my own =) also dunno wad to post here for now but so as not to keep my blog empty, i start writing my 1st one here for today.. LoL =p \""\ ( ^ 0 ^ ) /""/ well, today is quite a tiring, boring day for me?? u all c le oso sianx lo.. Class starts at 9am n im always late for 5mins to school.. LoLx.. Teacher keep talkin non-stop damn sianx de lo... Tink u all c wad i write oso will fall asleep lo... LoLx.. I was typing this in class or either becoming (^(o o)^) hahaz.. Too bored le dun wanna write le whole day oso sianx for me today... Go Zzz le... Signing out =p

tis is my first time blogging

2007-05-02T07:45:00.001-07:00

hihi im kaiern

^^